there is something about her
when she’s around the air becomes thick
sharp
everything begins to feel caged
airwaves constricting
but
it’s almost like you live for this moment
without her you feel nothing
not an ounce of fear
not a particle of jealousy
nothing

you don’t fear losing her
because it’s almost always guaranteed she’ll come back
instead, you wonder
what would it be like without her?
would the emptiness stick?
would you ever have motivation to get anything done?
when these thoughts start to gather
distorted and jumbled
something amazing happens

she leaves

you don’t need her
you didn’t want her to begin with
remembering life before
everything was breezy
happiness was your surroundings
and every single day felt better than the last
it’s clear that you don’t need her

the memories that she helped create
the fear that she instilled
you’ll remember all of it
the sound of her voice will linger
in the most delicate way possible
you loved her
hated her
needed

she overworks your amygdala
but she isn’t real—
or maybe she is

she is you